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Blue Is The Color Of ‘08

How strange. I was watching CNN Wednesday morning fully expecting the count to stretch on for at least a couple of days. I turned my back for a few seconds and suddenly they have a President Elect.

Man, that was fast!

Then again, that’s what full automation can do. Looks like the Yanks have gone quite a few steps from “Macapagal-Arroyo! Kahon!”. Also, McCain doesn’t seem to be as devious as Bush was when he fleeced Al Gore back in 2000  (I’m sorry. I know it’s ancient history but I don’t think I ever recovered from when the Florida recount was stopped). So there’s really no reason to prolong the agony, at least for the GOP that is.

So no…looks like we will NOT be encountering anything ghoulish and disconcerting. Hopefully not for the next four years.

**Insert sigh of relief here**

 

Absurdia

And this week’s top stories include:

A.) The litter-jammed Ayala MRT escalator remains immobile for the Nth week in a row. This brings to mind a stand-up comic who once mentioned that escalators do not ”break down”, they simply turn into. . . well. . . stairs. While he does make a valid point, notice how escalator steps are significantly larger making the climb a serious threat to both your joints and your mental stability. With the 42 steps that confront me on a daily basis (Yes. I counted!), life is just one herniated bliss after the other.

Considering this metropolis is arguably the birthplace of malfunction, you would think that complaining about one dilapidated public utility is moot. I am not writing this to air out my muscular grievances. I just wanted to point out how, on top of this steaming heap of dung, the public transportation folks manage to place a rather egregious cherry.

And that cherry came in the form of a large, fully functional television set with a rotating 360-degree screen suspended just to the right of the escalator. So you can watch mindless advertisements while busting your caps at Mount Everest.

I may be speaking for myself here but I think the management needs to reassess their priorities.

B.) Speaking of malfunction, I’m sure you’ve heard of the many mishaps at the newly opened NAIA 3. If you missed this article from the Philippine Star last Monday, here’s an excerpt which I found thoroughly amusing:

A ranking airport official is considering feng shui and other unscientific methods to fend off “evil spirits” that may be haunting the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) Terminal 3.

The official, who requested anonymity pending approval of the proposal from higher authorities, said they are entertaining the idea of recommending to Manila International Airport Authority (MIAA) General Manager Alfonso Cusi the hiring of a geomancer to read the “proper alignment of natural forces” at the airport.

          Wait…There’s more!

But the official took one more step further and said they are also considering the Igorot ritual of killing a chicken and sprinkling its blood to drive away malevolent spirits.

He added a local spiritualist or shaman might also be tapped just to make sure the ritual is performed correctly.

I feel like forming a picket line with a big placard that says: ”Occam’s Razor! Save the chickens!”

C.) While in line at the cash register at Rustan’s Supermarket, a fidgety woman next to me suddenly points at the can of 555 sardines I had in my basket.

Lady: (In a voice louder than needed) Have you tried this?!

Me: (After a befuddled 20 seconds) Uhmmmmm….Yeah.

Lady: Is it good?!

Me: Uhhhmmmm…It’s OK… I guess?

Lady: (To the cashier) Teka lang, Miss! May kukunin lang ako!

Then, armed with purpose, she emphatically bulldozes through the crowd of people also waiting in line and storms back to the shelves. This may be one of those anecdotes that prove hilarious only to the firsthand witness but I might as well throw it in. I mean how many times in my life will I get to be the reluctant poster girl for 555 sardines? Never again, I reckon.

 

The Prodigal Weirdo Returns

It’s good to be back!

It took a lot of heaving to put an end to that month-long bout of literary constipation. I also intentionally stayed away from my time-hogging computer to put a dent in my reading backlog. So my apologies to the blog’s readership. I know you’re a small bunch (my estimate circling around an innocuous single digit figure) but I really appreciate you guys sticking around. If I somehow snap out of the financial slump I’m in and I know where you live, I will send each of you a bundle of sharpened pencils as a token of gratitude. What to use them for is entirely up to you (but if you can find a way to threaten Kris Aquino with them, I will send you a freakin’ Boeing 747).

If you read my stuff, you must have wandered into my blog from the comments I made in Jessica Zafra’s site. If you understand her humor then you must have some level of weirdness floating around in your head. Quick! Run outside and thank the high heavens you’re not normal!

I think normalcy equates to mediocrity and we are stocked full of it as it is. I mean look at our attempts to secure any semblance of recognition in the Olympics. That in itself is a symptom that something’s terribly askew.

Has anybody noticed that we as a culture don’t encourage ingenuity as much as we should? Sure we come up with creative ways to get around certain day-to-day dilemmas. And we do have excellent underground talent. But an alarmingly large chunk of the societal bell curve finds fulfillment in copying others (preferrably the ones that come from overseas) which I think is completely cockeyed.

Case in point: In 1996, Alanis Morrisette came to Manila as part of her concert tour. In the weeks leading up to the said event, local noontime show A.S.A.P. held an ”Alanis look-alike/sing-alike” contest and the winner would be announced by Alanis herself. At the finals, they had about a dozen wannabees lined up on the stage and nobody seem to be cringing.

Strange concept. In North America, they do that too by the way…Every Halloween. Or maybe as a spoof of something. Or at the gay pride parade. But only we can do it with a straight face.

And do movies really need to have recycled song titles to sell at the box office? And how come a considerable percentage of local TV shows are really just travesties of imported originals?

As I’ve probably already said before, I’m proud to be weird. As should you be. It’s hard to defend sometimes but it’s easier to breathe when you’re far from the herd.

 

Buzz Kill For Cab Junkies

In an effort to implement a reasonable adjustment, the LTFRB is rolling out an increased fare matrix. This we had coming for a long time. To quote from an article in the Inquirer the other day:

In a text message, LTFRB Chairman Thompson Lantion said the new fare of P10 kilometers and P1.95 for each succeeding kilometer for regular buses, and P12 for the first five kilometers and P2.35 for the succeeding kilometers for air-conditioned buses, can be charged on receiving the new fare matrix.

Jeepneys nationwide can charge the new fare of P8.50 for the first four kilometers and P1.50 for each succeeding kilometer on Monday, July 14.

Taxis can begin charging a P10 “add on rate” 15 days after receiving their stickers, Lantion said.

Buzz kill on the last paragraph. What do they mean by a P10 “add on rate”? Is this on top of the arbitrary ”add on rates” cab drivers have  been exacting from passengers for the past…oh, I don’t know…two decades maybe?

When government agencies begin allowing cryptic rates, I start shifting nervously. Especially when I happen to be in the backseat of a cab.

Also, since when did text messaging turn into a viable alternative to good old fashioned one-on-one interviews?